This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: June 26, 2020
June 20
Imagine putting on the bed sheets and the corner on the opposite end comes off?!!! Gotta Uber to the other side https://t.co/UYT8Y0zEDG
โ Dugo (@ElVerdugo5) June 20, 2020
FUCK HIM UP, SHAKESPEARE https://t.co/j37ZcRdISd
โ Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) June 21, 2020
Ever since somebody said "tradition ain't shit but peer pressure from dead people" I've been seeing shit differently๐ญ
โ mane idc (@TdashGlaze) June 20, 2020
Oh you love your girlfriend? Name 3 girls she hates but talks to every day
โ Alex Dragicevich (@alexdrag_) June 21, 2020
Ah yes - in fact, I'm so uncharismatic and untalented that the President of the United States has dedicated time at multiple rallies over two years to talk about me, a first term member of Congress ๐๐ฝโโ๏ธ https://t.co/OncmV2u7Nw
โ Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) June 21, 2020
June 21
The walk of shame. pic.twitter.com/u0GRFnnKeY
โ The Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln) June 21, 2020
6,200 people at Trump rally in Tulsa. Acts that had bigger crowds at the same venue in 2019:
โ Al Franken (@alfranken) June 21, 2020
- Sha Na Na
- The Pips (w/o Gladys Knight)
- Loverboy
- John Tesh
- The West Virginia Touring Company of La Traviata
You know what? This is fantastic. pic.twitter.com/AkVzGC1zM0
โ DeMarcus ๐น (@semperdiced) June 21, 2020
We couldn't wear masks for 3 months, so now we're going to have to wear them for 2 years.
โ Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) June 21, 2020
mother's day posts are like "she gave up everything to raise us. she made our clothes and cooked our meals and dedicated her life to being a mom. her kids are her only joy, thank you" and father's day posts are like "nobody loves michelob ultra & jimmy buffet like the big man"
โ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐น๐ฒ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ป (@calebsaysthings) June 21, 2020
Jeff Bezos has decided he will not end world hunger today.
โ Has Jeff Bezos Decided To End World Hunger? (@HasBezosDecided) June 21, 2020
"trans agenda" is just the italian way of saying transgender
โ mia (@rat_dyke) June 21, 2020
Trump's Tulsa speech was truly one for the history books. pic.twitter.com/lnyo5N8vel
โ Steven Rosenthal (@Rosenthaltweets) June 22, 2020
monk: just a normal letter 'M' please
โ ruby๐ฆ (@roobeekeane) June 21, 2020
scribe: pic.twitter.com/eGwKTb9mDZ
why would we tear down the statue of a middle eastern socialist refugee? https://t.co/VIGhXyOmf4
โ Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 22, 2020
Filling my PC with Beans and Hiring a Repairman to Fix it pic.twitter.com/xFepzUDVvC
โ RossCreations (@CreationsRoss) June 21, 2020
One thing I've done as a female comedian is when comics say sexist and/or racist shit around me I very seriously ask, "Why is that funny? Immediately grants you blessed silence.
โ Janelle James (@janellejcomic) June 22, 2020
Happy (?????) Day to Matt Gaetz
โ Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) June 21, 2020
June 22
So in just four hours, almost 750 times more people have watched @sarahcpr's video than attended @realDonaldTrump's Tulsa rally. https://t.co/kbKCdwOKq6
โ George Conway (@gtconway3d) June 23, 2020
the disturbing lack of time travellers arriving to stop 2020 happening suggests we never actually invent it
โ Henry Sotheran Ltd (@Sotherans) June 22, 2020
white people i understand this will be hard to hear but we're gonna have to talk about that toto song sooner or later
โ liva's friend jo (@realchoppedliva) June 22, 2020
crazy how retail employees are constantly met with hostile elements but rarely resort to murder to solve their problems at work. https://t.co/C5oreeFjV7
โ the keezy slur (@sour_mamba) June 22, 2020
thinking of deleting social media and making the switch to organic anxiety
โ Babs Gray (@BabsGray) June 22, 2020
Someone recently told me that "difficult to work with" often really means "difficult to take advantage of" in creative industries, and I haven't stopped thinking about that for weeks
โ Adalyn Grace (@AdalynGrace_) June 22, 2020
The consistency of the bad assumption that any of these restarts will actually work - especially after the last week of riding hospitalizations, closed training camps, positive tests, and farcical "deep cleanings" - is breathtaking. https://t.co/nydgj5J9wz
โ Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) June 22, 2020
June 23
*two weeks later* Mr. Met has died of coronavirus https://t.co/OUZfv8yGSs
โ pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) June 24, 2020
I'm only surprised by Mel Gibson's "oven dodger" comment because it acknowledges the Holocaust actually happened.
โ Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) June 23, 2020
How about we meet in the middle? pic.twitter.com/AMjpkprD4t
โ Woodrow (@danielwoodrow) June 23, 2020
Guys I just came out to my brother and he came out to me. ๐ญ๐ญโค๏ธ
โ Botlhale (@Vutlharhii) June 23, 2020
Hey, Stable Genius who says he knows this stuff, then why not issue a Powerful Executive Order Strongly preventing the issuance of Death Certificates? With no Death Certificates no one would be dead! https://t.co/IWUXKuc5wV
โ George Conway (@gtconway3d) June 23, 2020
June 24
I'd been fearing just this. pic.twitter.com/dLLH5HVkfC
โ Whit Stillman (@WhitStillman) June 24, 2020
Money is not real. A country that's 24 trillion dollars in debt yet manages to magically fund whatever they see fit. Money is not real. Send out more of these fucking magical stimulus checks, people still can't eat
โ Kal (@kalzingis) June 24, 2020
remember when video games were just like
โ Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) June 25, 2020
"hey, jump on this stuff until you forget about school"
The Onion is reality now pic.twitter.com/HEq6dNrqlD
โ David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) June 24, 2020
i really should get my eyes tested https://t.co/VIliJAJWZf
โ anaia rose (@anaiamccahey_) June 24, 2020
She not wrong at all though. https://t.co/AefyPgQ4fl
โ I'm Me. ๐งฉ (@BroYouGood) June 24, 2020
June 25
Hi, welcome to Chuck E. Cheese. Everything is visibly dirty and our mascot is a rat, eat some pizza near a sneezing child.
โ dan johnson (@danevanjohnson) June 25, 2020
Come on down for some rat pizza at our child casino.
Is it "cancel culture" or is it just repercussions
โ andrew kimler (@AndyKimy) June 25, 2020
this is hands down the best tiktok i have ever seen in my life pic.twitter.com/gz653rfTDq
โ shrimp binch says bIm (@shrimpbinch) June 25, 2020
Thank you! Do these people think surgeons who wear them for hours just be passing out while their patients are open on the table!? ๐ญ๐ญ https://t.co/42KsgNytKh
โ dr. bae (@_brittanyyy__) June 25, 2020
I've been taking a break from the news lately so I don't know if this has come up. In the song "Peaches," why is he "moving to the country" to "eat a lot of peaches" when peaches apparently "come from a can" and "were put there by a man?"
โ Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) June 25, 2020
NO I WILL NOT WEAR A MASK, HOW WILL I SUCK OFF MY GUN?!
โ Julia Hladkowicz (@juliacomedy) June 25, 2020